The Side You Don't See

Warning:

This post is a little raw and honest.
 

I felt like I had everything to be happy about but I just was not.

I just had my baby, and I was supposed to be happy.

I knew postpartum depression was possible,

but I figured I just had a case of the baby blues.

 

I had never had a baby before, so I really was not sure what was

normal and what was not.
 

I cried everyday, alone.

I felt worthless. I felt like I had nothing to offer anyone.

I felt like my baby would be fine without me.

I knew it was normal to have crazy emotions right after having a baby.

I did not know some of what I was feeling, however, was not normal.

There was the normal "adjustment" period we went through.

All the hype of the new baby wore off of everyone,

and then it was just us trying to adjust to our new life.

I cried...

A lot.

Over nothing.
Over everything.

All the time.

 

I felt like a horrible mom for feeling sad.

I wanted to be happy and I wanted to be everything my baby needed me to be.

I told myself how lucky I was to be this baby's mom,

but then I would think he deserves better.

Why did he choose me?

 

 

I did not want to talk about it because I felt guilty for feeling like that.

I felt like I was supposed to be happy and people would

look down on me because I was not.

I was supposed to fall into this new role and perfect it.

I was supposed to be a good mom and wife.

I am having a hard time even writing about this, because I honestly have not

even talked about it.

 

I felt tired. Not the kind of sleepy tired.

The kind where you just want to lay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing.

 

 

I started to realize that was not normal.

I made myself get ready in the morning, because that was normal.

I made myself try to get out of the house, because that was normal.

I tried to do everything that was normal, but I still did not feel normal.

At my 6 week postpartum appointment.

I sat there talking to my doctor trying not to burst into tears the whole time.

Then she asked me how I was feeling emotion wise,

and I lost it.

 

 

I started bawling right there in the doctors office.

I felt so embarrassed for crying and feeling like I did.

She was very comforting, her whole demeanor changed and she explained

postpartum depression to me.  

She started me on an anti-depressant, which I hated.
I did not want to take medicine, but I wanted to get better before I got worse for my baby.
Luckily I never felt like hurting my baby.
I am thankful for never feeling like that.


The medicine took awhile to kick in, but it definitely helped!
I tried weaning off of it a couple months after, but I was not ready yet.
I still have a hard time with it sometimes, but it is getting better.
I just hope by sharing this (it is hard for me to share)
it will help someone get help or at least talk about it with someone.


I am truly so happy and feel so blessed that Grayson choose me to be
his momma. I cannot remember what life was like without him.

 

I love this little peanut more than he will ever know!

 



Sappy Late Night Blogging

Yes, it is only 9:00, but when you have a baby that is considered late

and I should be sleeping right now.

I drank a little too much coffee today and it has not worn off yet.

My husband got me an espresso maker for Valentine's Day,

and it is amazing! No more Starbucks runs for this girl!

Today was the first time I was really able to try it out.

My favorite drink is their white chocolate mocha latte. I was able to make one that tastes

almost exactly like it!

I took today to just enjoy my baby.

I am lucky I do not have to leave him with a babysitter everyday.

I have been stressing myself out trying to keep the house

clean, make sure I study when I have time, and make sure Grayson gets

the attention he needs.

 

But...

I did not worry about any of that today.

I just enjoyed my baby.

 

We went to Wal-Mart and I walked around so he could take a good nap.

Sometimes you just do what you have to do!

He got some new books in the mail today!

We love new books!

We read three of them right after I opened the package.

 

We went outside with Harlow and blew some bubbles, but

it was close to nap time so I was the only one who enjoyed that. ;)

 

After nap time we played with his alphabet board I made him

for Christmas.

 

 

He was getting crazy with it!

 

It was a good day, and I feel so much better that I did not worry

about anything else today.

I will catch up on everything tomorrow. :)

I have a few new prints in my Etsy Shop check them out! :)

Also, follow my Kallee Co Facebook Page for new print updates.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a Girl Thing

I remember the days of no responsibilities...

 

I could spend my whole paycheck on clothes and makeup without a care.

Now I just sit on my phone and "fake shop".

I add everything I want to my cart and seriously consider buying it all,

and then I delete it all before I actually do.

It somehow makes me feel better and helps my need for shopping.

 

 

 

And now that I have a baby that stuff is at the bottom of my priority list.

I would rather spend any extra money on him.

I fake shop a lot for him!

 

That being said...

 

 

I like expensive makeup, which was a habit I picked up when I was

single and could spend all my money on it.

I used to buy shampoo and conditioner that was $30... each.

I now use Pantene, and there is nothing wrong with it.

So why I spent that much money on shampoo and conditioner...

I really do not even know.

I spent an hour or two watching makeup tutorials with Grayson this morning, because he decided to wake up at 6 a.m. and not go back to sleep. ;)

I was hoping to find some good drugstore products.

I currently use bare minerals, which is $28.

I love it, but spending that much money on makeup just does not make sense to me anymore.

 

 

However, I still want to feel like my normal pre-baby self sometimes.

I feel so much better and more productive when I spend an hour on myself to get ready.

Even though it still is not really "me time" because I have to entertain Grayson

while I am doing it. Me time just does not happen anymore.

But...

He is completely worth it and I would not have it any other way!

I found a few products I would like to try and they are SO much cheaper.

The foundation I found is $6.

I have to say that is a lot better than spending $28.

 

 

I really need to update my look anyway.

I have been wearing the same old makeup the same old way for about 5 years.

I need to spice it up a bit.

 

 

If you ladies have any favorite products feel free to comment and tell me what you use!

I would like to find a nice eyeshadow palette that is reasonably priced.

I absolutely love my $5 eyelashes. I will not be getting rid of those anytime soon. ;)

I can usually make them last about a month.

I feel like it is important to do something for yourself when you have a baby.

All your time and energy is dedicated to those little babies, and you need to take a little time to make sure you are taken care of too. You cannot be everything you need to be if you are not taken care of too. Whatever makes you feel good, do it! Even if it is sitting down and watching your favorite show for an hour while your baby is napping.

 

 

Take care of yourself momma.



And...

Just because he is so cute. ;)

 

Always Stay Humble and Kind

 

 

If you have not heard Tim McGraw's new song "Humble and Kind" I highly recommend listening to it. I absolutely love it!

 

I really listened to this song the other day, and ever since I have been

thinking about how I hope my son will always be humble and kind.

 

 

I was in 9th grade and my seminary teacher was talking about this family he knew.

He said they were a family full of girls, and the girls were all very pretty but they

were also very nice. He said he asked their mother how they raised the

girls to be so humble.

The answer has always stuck with me, and I still think about it often.

 

"You are no better than anybody, and nobody is better than you."

 

When I heard this song it made me think of this, and how I want Grayson

to always know that.

Even if he is the best at something, I hope he will always be humble about it.

I hope he will always be respectful to everyone.

I hope when someone treats him poorly he will take the high road and still

be kind to them. I hope he will always spend his time making others feel like they are worth something and never making them feel like they are not.

 

"Hold the door, say please, say thank you
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you have mountains to climb but
Always stay humble and kind
When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride but
Always stay humble and kind"

 

I hope he will know it is okay to be friends with people who are different than him, who have different beliefs than him. I hope he can respect others opinions and know

their opinion matters just as much as his does. I hope he will always keep

an open mind.

 

I hope he will always be honest with his feelings and never be afraid to say how he feels.

I hope he knows when something bothers him it is okay to say it, but always in a respectful way.

I hope he is just a good boy, but what mother does not want her son to grow up to be a good man? ;)

 

I hope he will always work hard for whatever he wants, and never take advantage of

anything or anyone.
 

"Don't expect a free ride from no one
Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why
Bitterness keeps you from flyin'
Always stay humble and kind
Know the difference between sleeping with someone
And sleeping with someone you love
"I love you" ain't no pick up line so
Always stay humble and kind"

 

I hope he always knows his mom and dad will always be in his corner.

Especially when he is a teenager and thinks we do not know anything.

Let's face it, we were all there once. ;)

 

Happy Sunday everyone!

 

~ Keep Your Sweetness

A Red Velvet Valentine

I am a little late posting this, but better late than never, right?

We had a great Valentines day!

We spent the whole day just basically hanging out as a family, which was honestly perfect! 

I made red velvet waffles from scratch for breakfast.

I also made the cream cheese topping, which was the best part!

It was like eating cake for breakfast.

Who doesn't like cake for breakfast? 

I made some red velvet truffles too.

Basically, we had a whole lot of red velvet!

Red velvet and my boys made for a pretty good Valentines day if I do say so myself!

Of course Grayson had a photo shoot since it was his first valentines outside of my belly.

Last year on Valentines we told the world about him, and boy did that year go by quickly!

Our sweet little peanut last year.

It is crazy to think how small he was just a year ago!

Our sweet little peanut this year.

He is a whopping 19.3 pounds now!

I finally got his cute belly laugh on camera!

Baby laughs are seriously the best!

To top off the day, my husband and I got to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie together after Grayson went to sleep for the night.

It was a pretty perfect day!

I hope you guys all had a great Valentines day full of love as well. ♡

Vacuum Happy

My baby was so sweet this morning and played happily on

his blanket with his toys for about an hour.

So I took full advantage of it and vacuumed everything!

I vacuumed the whole house, the stairs, the couches, and even the dog.

Yes, I vacuumed the dog and she loved it.

I even hurried and vacuumed out my car.

I love when the house is vacuumed, it just makes the house feel so much cleaner!

Grayson even fell asleep for his nap without fighting it.

He was really fussy early this morning so I took him for a drive.

He has been happy ever since!

Knock on wood, because I am pretty sure he is getting some teeth.

He has been really grumpy lately. :(

He is cute though!

I have really been wanting to get back to work. I need to pass my test

for medical transcription so I can start working from home!

I hate not working, but I am grateful I do not have to leave my little guy!

I started making these printable pages to earn a little extra money until I can start working.

They are actually pretty fun to make!

I promised a free print, so feel free to download either of these (or both) and let me know what you guys think!

You can check out my other stuff in my Etsy Shop. :)



 Live Simply

 Home Is Wherever I am With You

Let me know what you guys think! :)

Let's Be Real

I try really hard to keep our house clean so my husband does not have to worry about it.

He works so hard and does overtime almost everyday. I feel like the least I can do is keep the house clean and have dinner ready for him when he gets home.

However, sometimes I do not have dinner ready and the house is not as clean as I would like it to be. Sometimes grilled cheese has to suffice.

I try to get ready by 11 a.m. but sometimes I have a grumpy baby and that does not happen.

I feel like I only share our pictures on our good days.

 

 

We were both ready for the day by 10 a.m. 

That NEVER happens!

But...

The only reason this happened was because we had a rough night. Grayson was up every hour

and I finally gave up on sleeping around 7. He fell asleep so I got in the shower and hurried to get ready for the day. I did not share that part.

 This is me most days.

My hair is not done, I do not have makeup on, and I stole one of my husband's shirts.

 

 

I  thought it was unfair of me to only share our good days, because they are not always perfect. 

My hair is in a top knot 85% of the time. My makeup does not get done just as often. 

 

 

This is really how it is! Haha.

 

My job is the definition of "full time" all of you guys who have kids

can relate. The worry is never ending and I often

wonder if I am really enough for my baby and my husband.

Worry and guilt come with the territory of being a parent.

 

Being a mom is the hardest, most selfless, and the best thing I have ever done.

Before baby I never would have left the house without makeup and a nice outfit.

When Grayson was sick I left the house without showering, my hair in a top knot, I had on a frumpy

outfit, and I was not wearing any makeup.

That is what you do when you are a parent.

 

Whatever that baby needs comes before anything

you need.

 

He is the best reason to look like a bum everyday. ;)

 

The best thing I will ever be is his mommy.

 

 

 



Spinach Artichoke Stuffed Chicken

I will put the recipe first so you do not have to scroll through the whole post to find it!

I'll also keep it pretty simple! 

I got this recipe from littlebitsof.com

where you can also find this recipe. :)

I just thought I would make it and share it with you guys!

I tried to cook this before my husband got home so he would not know there were

artichoke hearts in it. ;)

...but he got home right after I chopped them up.

He was a trooper though and ate it anyway!

This says to bake them for 20 minutes, but I had to bake mine for about 40.

First I got my little helper!

Chop the artichoke hearts up.

Cook the spinach and then chop it up. I steamed mine.

 Mix everything up with your spices.

Flatten the chicken and then put the filling on top of it.

Roll the chicken up and stick toothpicks in it to hold them together.

Before and after. :)

Yum!

Let me know if you try it and what you think about it!

Happy Friday!

Who is excited for the Super bowl on Sunday?!
We are Panthers fans over here at the Barker house.
I want the Panthers to win mainly because that is the team my husband likes!
Who are you guys cheering for this weekend?

I want to start your weekend off with a little Valentine's gift.
I know I am a little early, but I cannot wait! ;)

Here is a little freebie for you as a thank you for reading my blog!

It is the month of love, so I thought I would give away a free

Valentine's printable for you guys!

Valentine Downloadable 

Check out what is new in my etsy shop too!

Free stuff always makes my day better, I hope it will help make yours a little better too!
I will be working on some more projects for you guys next week. :)

I have a yummy recipe coming for you tomorrow! Stay tuned. :)


Stop and Smell the Roses

 

Sometimes I feel like I am always in such a hurry to do everything that I cannot enjoy

anything I am doing. Even when I am trying to sit and snuggle with my baby

I keep thinking about all the things I need to be doing.

 

The saying "stop and smell the roses" popped into my head on the way to my mom's house yesterday.

So I took the long way just so I could enjoy the ride.

 



 

I feel like too often we are trying to rush through life.

I tell myself a million times a day to enjoy my baby because he will not be a baby for long.

He will not let me snuggle him forever. This will only last a little while.

 

The dirty floors can wait.

The dirty dishes can wait.

The laundry, the vacuuming, the house can all wait,

but my baby cannot.

He is already growing so fast.

I do not want to miss his life because I am too busy making sure everything else gets done.

 

It is okay not to get everything done!

It is okay to sit down and relax for an hour and snuggle the crap out of your baby.

One day they are not going to let you do it anymore.

They need that one on one time with you.

They cannot wait, but everything else can!

 

In a perfect life we would all be perfect and be Wonder Woman.

This is not that life, and that is perfectly okay.

 

If you do anything today let it be this...

 

Sit down with your loved ones and enjoy it!

 

Do not worry about all the things you need to do.

Relax and enjoy the time you get with the people you love.

That is what really matters in life, and that is something we all need a little more of.

 

 

- Keep Your Sweetness

 

 

I Have Some Exciting News!!

 

I have been wanting to open an Etsy shop for a little while,

I just had to think of what I could make.

 

I recently got the planner I told you guys about, and when

I got it I just thought how easy it would have been to make myself.

 

Well guys...

 

I made one for you to download from my Etsy shop, which means no shipping cost for you!

I hate paying shipping costs for things. A lot of times I will not end up

buying something just because I do not want to pay shipping.

So no shipping is always a bonus!

 

https://www.etsy.com/search?q=kalleeco&order=most_relevant&view_type=gallery&ship_to=US

 

Check out my shop here! :)

 

If you share my shop or even this blog post, I will send you either the to do list or the grocery list extension to download for free!

 

 

I love polka dots and black and white, so I made my first set in polka dots and black and white.

Check out the few other things I have in my Etsy shop!

 

I will be making a matching calendar shortly as well!

If you share this do not forget to let me know so I can send you one of these for free!

 

Thanks guys, I am really excited to have my Etsy shop up and going!